I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
