You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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