do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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