My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
