I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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