Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize