Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
