chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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