Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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