thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
