I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
