your parents love me but you hate me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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