Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
