i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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