YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize