You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
