How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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