no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize