So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
