I should be sponsored by Trojan
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize