i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
