If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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