Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
