Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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