so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
