I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
