There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
