Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
