I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
