ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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