I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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