U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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