Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
