Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
