His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
