Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize