Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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