I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
