If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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