So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
