I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize