Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
