Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
