Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
