No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
