i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
