I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
