Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
