I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
bring money and cleavage
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
