so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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