My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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