There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize