I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
