I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
