so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
