I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
