NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
