Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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