I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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