Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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