Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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