my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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