Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
