yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
