I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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