So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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