Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize