Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
