I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize