I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
